Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
