My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
