Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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