doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
