so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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