Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
