Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is an emotional support booty call
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
