I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize