i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I cut my penus on the lid.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
