i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
