I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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