yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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