Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
