his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
