Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
