you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
