I bet he comes in French.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Randomize
