I'm so fucking centered right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
