you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
