see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
