I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
