Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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