Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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