Don't you send me to vm
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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