He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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