everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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