omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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