why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
