I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
