Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
