You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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