Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
