im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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