you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
