I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
