isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
