if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
