so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
