I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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