Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize