My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
