The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
