I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
