This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
