Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
