My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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