bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
