My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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