She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
