yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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