You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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