I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
