I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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