This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
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And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize