I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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