fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
