Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
tell me about the eggs
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
