You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
