I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
