I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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