Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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