I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
