A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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