I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
