I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
3pm strippers are depressing
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
