i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
