so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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