Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
