The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
