dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I want a musical about memes.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
