Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
third nipple confirmed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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